Since I’ve last posted, I’ve been trying to deal with a lot. Now that I have insurance and can go see doctors about things that have been going on with me for years, I’ve been doing just that.
1. I’m finding out about a lot of “problems” I have physiologically and psychologically.
2. The Physical issues have added to the emotional ones.
3. I’ve been detached and withdrawn from the internet and life outside of my condo.
4. I’ve taken to spending days alone and isolated, reading, writing, staring, and listening.
5. Silence is my new favorite sound.
6. It’s all in there, I just haven’t been able to tap into it to get it out. I know I need to and that more problems are manifesting since I’ve shut down.
I’ve been bad about checking in on all the sites I’m on. I think it’s just the antisocial thing. If I had it my way, I’d never see or talk to anyone except my cats, but life goes on even if I don’t want to participate in it. This had led to me being very lonely and very bitter, almost more of an elitist from the outside. Anyone that knows me though, will know that the more elite I project myself, the more it means that I’m feeling the opposite. I was raised to act and make people think everything’s wonderful and that my life will follow suit. Just like, the more I need people the more I’ll isolate.
I’m in familiar and scary territory when it comes to me. Let’s hope I get some good writing and some good artwork out of all of this.