Im at a loss.
you set this whole thing up didnt you?
you brought me here under a guise.
a week spent together seemed perfect.
I let down my guard and my logic and my cynicism.
you tricked me.
I came 1300 miles to be here with you like you wanted.
like you made me want.
now Im here and its,
all of a sudden,
a cramp in your life.
I cant feel settled.
I still wont hang my pictures.
I want to get another job and get out of here.
its become blatantly clear to me that I dont mean as much to you as you mean to me.
I spend my days thinking about you and what I could do to make you like me more.
thats not how its supposed to be.
you were supposed to be happy I was here.
you werent supposed to hate my cat.
you werent supposed to assume the role of bully.
you were supposed to kiss me good-bye in the morning.
you were supposed to make me feel at home.
you kept asking me to “come home”.
now Ive only heard that when you were wasted.
you can only have feelings when youre drunk?
Im sorry I havent been able to give you any money,
and maybe thats the stress you feel.
but do you really think making me feel worthless is going to fill out a check?
it wont, by the way.
now Im here,
I feel like Im a burden
and I feel like your accessory that doesnt go with any outfit you have.
would it kill you to let me know you want me here?
or was that just a trick to get me up here so you could break my heart?
Im out of fucking ideas.
Im exhausted at the end of the day from cleaning,
thats what you said you wanted.
you wanted to marry me
and take care of me
and now thats what I want.
thats what Im doing,
taking care of you.
wheres the time you spend with me?
oh thats right,
you’re too busy picking.
I dont know what else to do but get, yet, another job and get out of your hair.
apparently the faerie tale was all a myth and Im a silly girl that trusted you,
and now Im in a place that Im not wanted.
and if all of this is BS?
why do I feel it with all of my being?